I’ve been given the challenge to write more in my blog. I guess some people out there are actually starting to miss my writing. Either that, or their are some serious stalkers in my life who like to closely monitor it . . .
Regardless, I have a lot to catch up on. I haven’t really written since Memorial Day about any happenings. While my life hasn’t been TOO exciting, I have grown a lot, it seems.
The other night as J and I lay in bed talking, I started to realize that, in reality, I have absolutely no freaking clue what I want to do with my life. You see, I was thrown into what I’m doing mostly because I had to fend for myself.
I got married young and thought that was going to be my life. I went to school on a whim and studied accounting mainly because it was something I was good at and liked, and at the same time, I loved to learn, so why not?
Then the divorce came and I was caught up in a whirlwind. Suddenly, I was living on my own, having to pay a mortgage and take care of myself. I was lost. I was confused.
I stayed with the firm I took an internship with prior to my divorce mainly out of comfort. I liked where I was and what I was doing, but mostly I really didn’t want to change. Not to mention, I had a house I had to worry about.
Fast forward to last August and I started to realize that where I was living wasn’t where I wanted to live. I needed a more fast-paced lifestyle. I needed more people surrounding me. Then you all learned I was attempting to move down here to “the city”. I ended up coming to Bethesda in October of last year, happy and willing and ready to face whatever it was I needed to face.
Then I met J. We clicked instantly and have been inseparable the past seven months. He made me realize what a real relationship is; he’s taught me how a man should treat a woman; and more importantly, he’s taught me what I deserve from a man. He fulfills me and–yes, as cliche as it may be–completes me. He makes me whole. I love that man with my whole being.
But the question still remains: what do I really want out of my life? I’ve been pondering this all weekend, trying to figure out exactly what that might be. And to be honest, I’m still not sure. Things are beginning to develop in my head. I want to be a career woman. But I also want a family. Juggling those two things in the industry I’m currently in is going to be extremely hard, particularly if I want to be the kind of mom I really want to be. I grew up in a household where my dad was fully retired when I was five and my mom was fully retired when I was nine. They were with me every step of the way. Every sporting event, near or far, they attended. They gave me a blessed life. And that’s what I’d want for my kids, too.
So, now what? Where do I go from here? What steps do I need to take in order to make that possible?
I’m trying to make a transition in my life once again. We will see if and when it occurs, but until it does, of course I’m going to be extremely vague on here about it as protection for myself, but be ready to join me in the process. I’m sure it’s going to be long, enduring and emotional.
