Guest Post: TMIT: My Boy Toy

I asked this lovely lady of CarissaJaded to guest blog for me today. She and I had a lovely conversation about the use of vibrators and hers was too good for me to pass up on, especially since I’m down here in Florida. Next week, I’ll be posting my own personal story about my vibrator love. Stay tuned and enjoy today’s guest post from a southern girl from Houston!

First of all, I’m so honored Tricia has asked me to guest post for her… I’ve never guest blogged before and I’m quite excited about it!! I’m going to try my best to live up to her expectations, but please forgive me any mistakes or grammatical errors. I am currently writing this on a screen the size of a post-it note so that I don’t get caught not working at work… again.

I’ll start this post with a confession.

I have never really been comfortable talking about sex.

If you know me in person or read my blog, you are probably like “Whaaaatttt?  You talk about sex ALL THE TIME!! You are literally the crudest woman I have ever met… and I mean ‘woman’ in the loosest sense of the word.”

Hey!! I’m not that bad! But yeah, yeah yeah… I know can be crude. I say the words. I talk about other people’s experiences. But I have never been comfortable talking about my own. Even when I blog about my sexual experiences I tend to write in “Once upon a time”  form about a “friend of mine.”

So if I’m uncomfortable talking about sex, you can imagine how uncomfortable I am talking about

mm mm mmmassst mmmasturrr masturbation.

I can barely even get the word out on paper.

Don’t get me wrong, I do it. I do it quite often. It just took me a while before I was comfortable enough to admit that like every other person in the world that has a genital, I am a masturbator. Until about four years ago, I would get extremely uncomfortable whenever the topic came up. When asked how often I did it, I would answer “Ewwww…”

*nervous giggle* “I don’t do thaaaattt.”

Which of course was a lie of va-ginormous  proportions.

I had known since Junior High that all the boys did it quite often. I was even a little jealous that they could sit around talking about “jacking off” to each other. I remember wondering what would happen if I turned to my friend and said ” I so hitchhiked to heaven last night whilst thinking about Bill Pullman.” To which, in Junior High (and probably now) gagging noises would ensue.

Anyhoohoo, a couple of years ago one of my friends had a “Sleepover” party as part of her Bachelorette weekend. I quickly found out that “Sleepover” = hire a lady to come over and demonstrate how to use/sell sex toys that I never even dreamed would exist. Think Avon, only not for your face.

We all sat around in a circle while this lady pulled out vibrators of all shapes and sizes. They ranged in size from “pinky” to “wouldn’t put that inside of my worst enemy.” She showed us how to use anal beads, and a variety of different types of lube that both tasted and tingled. She let each of us taste the flavors and go into the restroom to numb ourselves down. I was fascinated by the anal numbing cream, and we experimented by putting it at the back of our throats. That shiz really does wonders on your gag-reflex ! I could have stuck a baseball bat down my throat and I wouldn’t have felt a thing.

By the end of the night I was really starting to feel “sexually” comfortable. I was sharing stories that I had never shared before with a group of ladies, most of whom I barely knew. When it was time to make our purchases, I had forgotten I had ever been shy about masturbating. I was asking questions about the feedback the vagina lady had gotten from other customers, and getting the details about how to clean the vibrators.

Although there were so many items that I wanted to try (and a few that I did not), I finally settled on some tingly lube, some lady bits talcum powder, and a large blue sparkly vibrator that I named Billy Boy.

That night was the beginning of a very long and nurturing relationship. Billy Boy and I grew extremely close. We took baths together, watched movies together, and slept together nearly every night. He was everything I needed in a man, and just feminine enough (the sparkles) that I could trust him not to hurt me.

At first, I mostly kept our experiences to myself, but eventually I became open to my friends about my relationship with Billy Boy. When I wanted to stay in, I would tell my friends that I was just going to spend a quiet night with my boy toy. When my friends came over and tried with no avail to turn on the television, I explained that Billy Boy had to borrow the batteries.

**Sighhhhhh…. We would probably still be close today if it weren’t for my father. You see, while I had begun to open up about how much I enjoyed my time with Billy Boy to my friends, there are just some relationships that you fear your father may never approve of. Or at the very least, you figure he’s better off not knowing about them.

You see… not too long ago, my father came over to help me move to a new house. I had nearly forgotten about Billy Boy until it came time to move my bed. That’s when I remembered that Billy Boy was hiding under it. I distracted my father for just long enough to retrieve my vibrator from his hiding place and put it in the first place I could think of… the trash can. I’m not sure if I should have been so ashamed, but that’s what I did, and now I have to live with it.

I never have replaced Ole’ Billy Boy (mostly for lack of money,) but I do still think about those times fondly. If you would like to gift me with a new toy, (new, not used) feel free to contact me for my address.

Tagged as: relationships, sex, TMIT, toys, vibrators