I have so many things running through my mind right now I can’t even fathom writing it all down, but alas, I’m going to try.

Firstly, this effing cast is getting on my last damn nerve.  It’s been on for two weeks now and it’s already starting to unravel.  I still have that blasted brace they gave when I first went to my orthopedist for it, but I’m not too sure if my wrist is quite ready for the play it gives me.  You see, I got that brace when my wrist was majorly swollen.  So swollen in fact, that I didn’t recognize it even though it has been mine for the past twenty-five and a half years (can you imagine?).  So the fact that it was a little too big for me has me thinking that it’s going to be wayyyy too big now since my swelling has gone down to almost nothing.  I can’t really tell though since it’s under this freaking cast.

Next up is the fact that clients are beginning to trust me.  So much, in fact, that when I offer to sit down and go over things with them and a partner, they tell me that meeting with the partner is “pointless”, in their terminology (not mine, work!!!).  That definitely makes my heart happy beyond belief.  It lets me know that 1) I’m learning and becoming more knowledgeable, 2) I am building a good clientele base myself so if I ever leave, some may want to follow and 3) the partners themselves actually trust me to do all this.

There are some other things going on that make me not so happy.  A friend of mine is apparently pissed at me.  And she’s pissed at me so much that she actually “defriended” me on Facebook.  That’s like the biggest interweb slap-in-the-face you can get.  I know.  Elementary, too.  To be completely frank, I’m not even sure why she is mad at me in the first place!!  Does she not trust me enough as a friend to come to me and ask me about things?  Making assumptions and going this far just seems petty to me.  The other terrible thing is that we work together, too.  That just makes things even more awkward.  I’m beginning to suspect it all has something to do with something at work.  Like, when I wasn’t really talking last week because there was a lot on my mind and I kinda just shut myself out to the whole office.  Maybe she feels it was all about her.  I don’t know.  I’m trying to figure it all out.  But I also know that if she wants to hold grudge like this about something that we obviously haven’t even had one minute conversation about, then I’m going to throw everything to the wind and see where it takes it.  I don’t have time to sit there and gossip during work right now.  I’m working enough hours as is.  I don’t need to have to tack on more time I’m at the office just because I want to talk, because I sure as hell don’t charge that time to my timesheet.  That’s always been on my own time.  Regardless, it’s just going to make things strained and nerve-racking at the office from now.

Regardless of the fact this is supposed to be from a man's perspective, this is kinda how I feel about women in general as well. I guess that's because I was raised by my father.

Why is everything in life always so effing difficult?  And why do I always seem to find the people to befriend that don’t apparently give two shits about our friendship, hold grudges, flake out on plans that we may have made at the last second and just seem to now only not care about our friendship but not care about me???? I am a human being and I do have feelings regardless of the “tough girl” act I seem to portray to everyone.  But whatever.  I also learned a long time ago that I will most likely walk the majority of my life without anyone standing next to me.  It just seems to be the hand I’ve been dealt.  I have no seriously close friends anymore.  The ones that I did have have all fallen to the wayside.  And you know what pisses me off more than anything?   When you call someone, ask them to do something and they give you the inevitable “I’ll get back with you” answer and they never fucking do.

Yeah, I said fucking for the first time in my blog.  That’s how seriously pissed off it makes me.

Anyway, I’m done for the night.

I want my friends from far away who actually stay in touch with through long-distance to be near me.  I know I’ll always have a hand to hold if you were.  I miss each one of you.  And you know who you are (Crystal, Noah, Jess, Anthony . . .).  Thank you to each one of you.  You’re near and dear to my heart.

Maybe I should just effing move.   It’s not like anyone from around here would miss me, except maybe work!!!

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